How many are too many? I just want one.

The u/s machine. "Wandy" is pictured on the 

right, looking all smug. Ya, ya, I KNOW where you 

have been!

Caution! This post is not for the squeamish. It includes details about female reproductive organs, bodily functions related to conception and S-E-X. You can't say I didn't warn you.

So the good news is that apparently, Follistim works for me.

At last Friday's ultrasound (u/s) my lining was at 10 and we had seven follicles all between 11-15.

Seven!

Seven!

Now, you may not understand what these numbers mean but the numbers are both good and bad.

According to different studies, either 3-4 follicles gives one the best chance of getting pregnant, while more follicles beyond that simply increases the risk of multiples. The U.S. study said 4 follicles, while other countries have data stating 3. The U.S. has a higher rate of multiple births, so 3 may be more likely to be the correct answer. (source: Fertility Plus-Frequently Asked Questions about IntraUterine Insemination)

Good, because yes, the drugs did their job.

Bad, because the doc didn't feel comfortable going forward with the IUI (IntraUterine Insemination, if you don't know what that is, read about the IUI process here) because seven follicles can mean seven eggs, and seven eggs can mean seven babies. He's not looking for any records, and frankly, neither are we. We have no desire to be the next Jon & Kate + 8.

A close-up of the u/s report (I took a pic so we 

could stare at it as we mulled things over.) There 

are only six follicles listed because this is just 

the right ovary, lefty was hiding again (he does

that alot). Doc didn't bother recording past the 

first six follicles.

So, our dilemma, which was discussed extensively over dinner, breakfast, lunch and dinner, was whether or not to have unprotected sex. As you may remember from sex ed, unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. Since my body (and my ovaries) were all hopped up on estrogen,  doc thought I would probably ovulate sometime over the weekend. So having unprotected sex, meant we could end up getting pregnant. And that thought really appealed to us since (DUH!) that's what we've been trying to do for the last year! But...

Seven follicles meant the potential for seven embryos.

Well, long story short, we did it. Yup, "it." I'm so not going to talk about it, but it happened. So, that was Saturday night. We also threw in Wednesday morning just for good measure.

If all seven eggs fertilized then we needed to be prepared for the worst - selective reduction - which is really just a more "PC" way of saying abortion. Wow. Abortion. The A-word. Never in a million years did I think I would be faced with this. And boy, did it challenge everything I've ever thought about life and conception.

My husband and I are both pro-choice. But being pro-choice doesn't mean we're pro-abortion. We just believe it's up to the individual woman to decide what's best for her and her body. Jay and his sister were both adopted, and I am very grateful that his biological mother chose to have him. And every day I am grateful to be a part of his family. But this, this selective reduction, it's different. It's about choosing life, about being fair, about giving an embryo a shot at growing into a healthy baby. It's about doing what's best for our baby, our family and my body.

In the end, we didn't end up having to make a tough choice. It's been a week and I started bleeding yesterday. No embryos. No pregnancy. No baby. Am I relieved? HELL NO. I felt like we were both ready to make a tough decision but now we're just back to square one.

GOD DAMN IT. So now I'm crampy and bleeding and in a terrible mood. The doctor said I would have a "nice, heavy period" (I'm not exactly sure what he meant by "nice" because a heavy period is never nice).

Another shot at parenthood gone. I feel defeated. And angry. And frustrated. And out of money.

Every cycle is a rollercoaster. The drugs, the u/s, the waiting, the hoping, the praying...  And every cycle there are big decisions to be made. The only thing I know for certain is that I'm ready to make tough decisions, so BRING IT ON!

Have any of you faced the possibility of selective reduction? What should we consider if we're ever faced with this situation again?