How many are too many? I just want one.

The u/s machine. "Wandy" is pictured on the 

right, looking all smug. Ya, ya, I KNOW where you 

have been!

Caution! This post is not for the squeamish. It includes details about female reproductive organs, bodily functions related to conception and S-E-X. You can't say I didn't warn you.

So the good news is that apparently, Follistim works for me.

At last Friday's ultrasound (u/s) my lining was at 10 and we had seven follicles all between 11-15.

Seven!

Seven!

Now, you may not understand what these numbers mean but the numbers are both good and bad.

According to different studies, either 3-4 follicles gives one the best chance of getting pregnant, while more follicles beyond that simply increases the risk of multiples. The U.S. study said 4 follicles, while other countries have data stating 3. The U.S. has a higher rate of multiple births, so 3 may be more likely to be the correct answer. (source: Fertility Plus-Frequently Asked Questions about IntraUterine Insemination)

Good, because yes, the drugs did their job.

Bad, because the doc didn't feel comfortable going forward with the IUI (IntraUterine Insemination, if you don't know what that is, read about the IUI process here) because seven follicles can mean seven eggs, and seven eggs can mean seven babies. He's not looking for any records, and frankly, neither are we. We have no desire to be the next Jon & Kate + 8.

A close-up of the u/s report (I took a pic so we 

could stare at it as we mulled things over.) There 

are only six follicles listed because this is just 

the right ovary, lefty was hiding again (he does

that alot). Doc didn't bother recording past the 

first six follicles.

So, our dilemma, which was discussed extensively over dinner, breakfast, lunch and dinner, was whether or not to have unprotected sex. As you may remember from sex ed, unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. Since my body (and my ovaries) were all hopped up on estrogen,  doc thought I would probably ovulate sometime over the weekend. So having unprotected sex, meant we could end up getting pregnant. And that thought really appealed to us since (DUH!) that's what we've been trying to do for the last year! But...

Seven follicles meant the potential for seven embryos.

Well, long story short, we did it. Yup, "it." I'm so not going to talk about it, but it happened. So, that was Saturday night. We also threw in Wednesday morning just for good measure.

If all seven eggs fertilized then we needed to be prepared for the worst - selective reduction - which is really just a more "PC" way of saying abortion. Wow. Abortion. The A-word. Never in a million years did I think I would be faced with this. And boy, did it challenge everything I've ever thought about life and conception.

My husband and I are both pro-choice. But being pro-choice doesn't mean we're pro-abortion. We just believe it's up to the individual woman to decide what's best for her and her body. Jay and his sister were both adopted, and I am very grateful that his biological mother chose to have him. And every day I am grateful to be a part of his family. But this, this selective reduction, it's different. It's about choosing life, about being fair, about giving an embryo a shot at growing into a healthy baby. It's about doing what's best for our baby, our family and my body.

In the end, we didn't end up having to make a tough choice. It's been a week and I started bleeding yesterday. No embryos. No pregnancy. No baby. Am I relieved? HELL NO. I felt like we were both ready to make a tough decision but now we're just back to square one.

GOD DAMN IT. So now I'm crampy and bleeding and in a terrible mood. The doctor said I would have a "nice, heavy period" (I'm not exactly sure what he meant by "nice" because a heavy period is never nice).

Another shot at parenthood gone. I feel defeated. And angry. And frustrated. And out of money.

Every cycle is a rollercoaster. The drugs, the u/s, the waiting, the hoping, the praying...  And every cycle there are big decisions to be made. The only thing I know for certain is that I'm ready to make tough decisions, so BRING IT ON!

Have any of you faced the possibility of selective reduction? What should we consider if we're ever faced with this situation again? 

Sorry Bikram, baby-making comes first

I'll admit, I've been a little obsessed about losing weight. But with good reason! There's a lot of research that shows that women with PCOS who lose weight improve improve their chances of getting pregnant. "Decrease weight to increase success," so they say.

And, I've been trying really, really hard to lose a little weight, eat healthier, exercise more... Easier said than done for most people, and PCOS makes it extra hard to shed pounds. I have the typical PCOS body - I carry my weight in the middle - and that's the last place I lose it.  I also crave sugar and carbohydrates - two big no-no's for women with PCOS.

That's where Bikram's hot yoga came in. It burns about 500 calories in 90 minutes and it's a great de-stresser. Two birds, one stone.

But today is day three of my cycle, and tonight we started the belly shots. (Just for the record, I am not a fan of the belly shots.)

Belly shots also mean we're officially kicking off this round of IF treatment. The nurse told me to "take at easy" while I'm shooting up. And she sorta gave me "a look" today when I asked if I could still do hot yoga.  Guess not. :( How will I live without my hot yoga? I've been going to class consistently three days a week since June. 

*Sigh*

I guess it's time to head back to the gym and do some cardio and light weight lifting.  I'll also see if I can find a "regular" yoga class to attend.

The loss of hot yoga should be the least of my concerns right now. After all, it's shot-to-the-gut time again.

These shots to the gut are awful for a couple reasons, not the least of which is the anticipation of the needle. I can't look and I most certainly cannot give myself the shot. So poor Jay has to do it. I usually start the "me-owwwwing" BEFORE the needle goes in and keep at it for about five to ten minutes AFTER the shot. I'm a big baby, what can I say.

We decided it would be "fun" to record the whole ordeal for your entertainment... Sorry, no video, but this is some priceless audio. Even I had to laugh when I heard it.

It's all in my head, I know it. I can take tattoo needles and electrolysis, but not a little needle to the belly. But what's IF without a little drama?

Another downside to these shots is the swollen, bruised belly. The bruising is from pinching your stomach when you put the needle in, the swelling comes from filling you belly with liquid mouse hormones.

Yeah, did you know that Follistim (which is FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormone) is mouse hormones? I'm totally not kidding. Follistim is a, ""pure recombinant" FSH compound derived from genetically engineered mammalian cell cultures." I jokingly told the Aetna Speciality Pharmacy rep today that I would probably save a ton if I just collected these hormones myself. (Not sure if rat hormones would be as effective, but we have some pretty big rats running around our neighborhood. I'm not kidding. My dog drug one out from the bushes a few weeks ago.) Luckily, our current insurance plan does in fact cover Follistim. The catch is (and of course, there's a catch) we can only order it from the Aetna Speciality Pharmacy. I spent a few hours on the phone yesterday and today getting it all sorted out between the doctor's office and the insurance. If we had to pay out of pocket for our 900 Cu's of Follistim it would cost about $1,200. With insurance our deductible is only $150, thank God.

So, with these lovely Follistim shots we are circumventing my brain and going straight to the source. We tried two rounds of Clomid, a popular ovulation induction drug, earlier this year but I seem to be Clomid resistant (I think this is common for women with PCOS). So, we're done trying to get my brain to talk to my ovaries. Instead, the Follistim is talking directly to my ovaries and telling them to start producing follicles, lots of them and pronto! The goal is to get 2-3 follicles up to size and then - BOOM! - we'll hit them with another shot of hormones to get them to cough up an egg (or two, preferably just one).  I'm still a little bit fuzzy on the whole process, but whenever I express concern that I'm not ovulating on these meds Jay and Dr Kao both tell me, "It's science Staci." Which I guess means I MUST be ovulating, duh. 

Monday we have an ultrasound appointment to see what the ovaries are up to... After only four days of stimulation I'm guessing they won't be all that excited. Past experience tells us I'm a slow maturer (go ahead, make the joke). We usually don't start to see any follicles until around day 11 or so. But my ovaries should start bloating up and feeling sore around day two of the shots. I can barely contain my enthusiasm.

All joking aside, this is it. We've kicked off treatment so now it's time to turn up the positive, put aside the stress and skip the hot yoga. I'm sorry Bikram, but baby-making comes first this time.

Infertility is a four-letter word

Earlier today I was sitting here staring at the big orange "Publish Post" button, contemplating the consequences of a trigger-happy finger... I've put up just about every excuse in the book for NOT starting this blog.


It's not that I'm embarrassed. I know we're not the only couple in the world going through this. And I'm an avid champion and user of social media (blogs included), but this is a really, really personal topic. And most of the time, I feel like it's really not anyone's business but me and my husbands (and our mothers)...

However, I think I know deep down, that if I'm going to get through this, if we're going to get through this, I need to blog about it.

I don't mean to go all Carrie Bradshaw here, but I watched Sex and the City religiously during the brief time I lived in New York, and some of what Carrie wrote really stuck with me. This quote in particular seems relevant to my life right now...

"When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking."

So, that's what Jay and I are doing. We're taking another step.

Today is day one of a new cycle and a new chance for us to become parents. And although I may sound upbeat about this whole "adventure" I'm still questioning why anyone would consciously decide to have kids.

When getting pregnant doesn't just "happen" and procreation suddenly becomes a project with a budget, a schedule and a timeline, well, it makes you stop and think.

You may not know it, but 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age suffer from infertility (according to The National Infertility Association). Jay and I are one of those couples. And we've spent the last year trying to conceive (abbreviated as TTC). We've spent more money on treatments -- Don't get me started on that -- we could've gone on at least one trip around the world. But we didn't. We chose to spend our money trying to have a baby.

I've had more intimate encounters with the ultrasound wand in the last year than I care to recount. It's never even offered to take me to dinner!

We've switched clinics and doctors twice. Luckily, we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the doctor we have now. He answers every single crazy e-mail that I send him. Even on weekends!

We've laughed, we've cried.

We've named our follicles.

Infertility is a roller coaster ride of stress, hope, and often, disappointment. But I've decided I'd rather talk about it than not.

I have a disease called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (or PCOS). It's actually a pretty "popular" disease and if you really, really, really want to, you can read all about it on Wikipedia.

We're open to answering all your questions about PCOS and infertility, we only ask one thing, that you read RESOLVE's Infertility Etiquette guide BEFORE you hit us up.

I'm going to continue to keep the TTC me and the "regular" me separate. But if you're interested in following our story, you can always come back to this blog. I decided to call it "Stork on Strike" because, well, that's what it feels like, like our stork has gone on strike. And dammit, if you've seen him, could you please ask him to report back for duty. We could really use him about now.