Beta day!

It's about two hours until we're supposed to get the call from the doctor's office with the results of our beta. It's a beautiful day, and I'm feeling hopeful. Please God, let there be some trace amount of HCG in my blood this morning. Please.

I'm working from home today, really just killing time, so I decided to re-read my last blog post, They're in!, which details our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer).  I had to laugh outloud. I mean, I had the best intentions to spend the nine days between transfer and beta thinking ONLY positive thoughts and eating ONLY fresh, raw fruits and vegetables. But alas, I did not.

Instead, I broke down in horrific fits of tears and big, heaving sobs at least six or seven times. I could not control myself. And let me tell you, I am not a crier. There were at least two nights where I was trying to get myself into bed and my back and my butt hurt so bad (damn PIO shots!) that I just burst into tears. My DH came running into the bedroom looking very concerned, and asked what was wrong. And I would just lay there, face planted into my pillow sobbing that it hurt too much and it was all for nothing and that I just wanted it to be over. I didn't really mean that, but the pain in combinations with all the hormones really messed with me.

I had night sweats like you would not believe. I woke up with a soaked pillow nearly every night. I felt stiff, sore and tired. All I wanted to do was sleep.

And then there was the food.

Oh God, the food.

I had Wendy's. And I had the whole shebang - cheeseburger, fries, frosty... Then there were the McDonald's drive-thru breakfasts. Oh yeah. I usually commute via train to work but because my back and butt hurt so much I opted to drive.  Being in the car gave me the freedom to hit up drive-thrus. This is a luxury for me, and a special treat. We live in a big city and drive-thrus are not common. However, I grew up in the Midwest and drive-thrus are EVERYWHERE. So, when I get the chance, I hit them up. I also found a Starbucks drive-thru that's not too far off the highway. Score! Love me those pumpkin scones.

So, dear Things, I hope that you do not think this is how it will always be. Mommy was just super stressed this week. I promise to do better. Really, I do. As soon as I know you are tucked in safe, I will change my ways.... Well, I will begin to attempt to change my ways, because I want to, for you.